"Whether you have more children is between you, your husband, and God."
This statement makes me nervous.*
It seems too pat, too easy to say that the solution to this whole family-size debate is simply personal choice guided by the Holy Spirit. That could be used as an excuse for a whole lot of things. The Bible doesn't directly address family size or birth control, but neither does it directly address abortion, living together unmarried, using drugs, homeschooling, and whether to buy underwear at Victoria's Secret. How do you decide what is personal choice and what is Christian doctrine?
It would be nice if you really could find an answer to each and every question in the Bible. However, the Bible wasn't written to individuals, but to churches, cities, and nations. Taken in that light, it does seem to leave a lot up to personal choice.
In all honesty, I hate it when God leaves things up to personal choice. Too much leeway disturbs me. How do you know if you're right and they're wrong if God didn't lay it out for everybody to see it the same way? I admit this isn't a healthy way to think, but it's part and parcel with my struggles in the area of family size. I gravitate to the teachers who say that God did lay out definite rules for everything. I want to believe the Personal Choice camp, but feel safer in the RuleKeepers Camp.
The answer must lie somewhere in the middle. Obviously your own family is your own concern. But Christians are all part of the Body of Christ, so how and what we decide affects others. That's why it's difficult for me to come to a conclusion and state it confidently. I don't want to make myself unhappy needlessly. But I don't want to abuse God's grace by declaring that whatever I want to do is between God and me, and no one has the right or authority to question me.
A side note: Churches should have the authority to question why Christians do what they do. I've known churches who do that, and the people there were spiritually healthy. By and large, though, our churches are so splintered that there's not much of an authoritative voice in any matter beyond the Ten Commandments. I think this situation leaves far too much up to "personal choice." But then, I would think that, wouldn't I?
* Partly because I always change that sentence to "among" instead of "between," then decide that you and your husband are one entity and God is the other, so there are only two parties, so "between" is correct after all.
Showing posts with label Bible. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Bible. Show all posts
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
Saturday, May 1, 2010
Part I: Family Size And...
-- SJ
Lots of us have lots more to say on the subject of family size. It's an interesting subject in and of itself. But for those of us who have wrestled to reconcile the Quiverfull ideal with the reality of our own motherhood, it's a subject fraught with conflicting emotions and ideas.
I loved y'all's comments on the blog and on Facebook. I probably won't reference them individually, but have taken all of them into consideration as I worked out what else to write on the subject. Everything I say is up for discussion, of course. Unlike many people who write and teach in this area, I don't assume I know all the right answers.
That said, there's a great deal I want to say. So much that I've decided to move the whole discussion off my main blog. So much that I'll post in parts. So much that I actually sat down and outlined what I wanted to write.
Of course, then I lost the outline. So here's a facsimile, complete with subheads and stuff for ease of commenting.
Here's Part One.
Note: I'd like to thank my mother and mother-in-law for never pressuring us either to have more children, or not to have any more. Coming from the primary mothers in our lives, that has meant a great deal to us.
The Truth About children
Children are blessings. Children are burdens.
It's a mistake to assume that the two -- blessing and burden -- are mutually exclusive. Many burdens are good. Ask a backpacker why he puts up with that burden on his back, and you'll get a funny look. Ask a couple why they want to take on the burden of a child, however, and they feel they need to justify it.
It's important to acknowledge both aspects of children. It's not all trial and tribulation, just like it's not all sweetness and light. And then it's important to emphasize that their burdensomness doesn't invalidate their blessedness.
Family Size and the Bible
The Bible presents a God who loves children. But as for family size, it says nothing definitive. Large families are portrayed as positive and good. But so are small families. And neither one is a sure path to righteousness. Ever actually paid attention to families in the Bible? Do, and you'll be less enthusiastic over the idea of a "Biblical family."
In fact, if you stop to count, you realize that most women in the Bible had three or four children at most. (That is, the children who lived.) Jacob was the patriarch of twelve children -- but he had two wives and two concubines! Heck, anybody could have twelve children if there are four women chipping in.
You can drag out a few verses as proof-texts, but the fact is, the Bible doesn't say whether you should have lots of children or only a few. It doesn't say, "Trust in the Lord with your womb, and decide not on your own family size." Even the original command to Adam and Eve, to "be fruitful and multiply," is fulfilled as soon as you have a child. Or if you want to be technical about it, two children (2 x 1 = 2).
You're welcome to have a large family if that's what God has called you to. But don't try to point to the Bible and say it's a universal principle.
Family Size and Today's Society
Children have always been viewed with mixed emotions. There wasn't a time "back then" when people received every child with joy and welcome. That's one of my irritations with the Quiverfull crowd: they complain that society today doesn't like children, unlike in the past when people were more God-honoring (by which they seem to mean Victorian times, when large families were due more to ignorance of the fertility cycle than to love of children).
Most of today's society hasn't lost sight of the blessedness of children -- as long as it's the first or second one. It does seem that three or more children lose their blessedness and appear only burdensome. Plus, I think that "accidental" children aren't as accepted as they used to be because it's possible to control much more precisely how many children are actually brought into being. When something is no longer considered inevitable, people don't have to try to accept it.
But the fact is, societies in general are notoriously unstable on many issues. So if your stance on family size is in reaction to your society, you aren't really standing on firm ground. "Being countercultural" isn't one of the Fruits of the Spirit.
Lots of us have lots more to say on the subject of family size. It's an interesting subject in and of itself. But for those of us who have wrestled to reconcile the Quiverfull ideal with the reality of our own motherhood, it's a subject fraught with conflicting emotions and ideas.
I loved y'all's comments on the blog and on Facebook. I probably won't reference them individually, but have taken all of them into consideration as I worked out what else to write on the subject. Everything I say is up for discussion, of course. Unlike many people who write and teach in this area, I don't assume I know all the right answers.
That said, there's a great deal I want to say. So much that I've decided to move the whole discussion off my main blog. So much that I'll post in parts. So much that I actually sat down and outlined what I wanted to write.
Of course, then I lost the outline. So here's a facsimile, complete with subheads and stuff for ease of commenting.
Here's Part One.
Note: I'd like to thank my mother and mother-in-law for never pressuring us either to have more children, or not to have any more. Coming from the primary mothers in our lives, that has meant a great deal to us.
The Truth About children
Children are blessings. Children are burdens.
It's a mistake to assume that the two -- blessing and burden -- are mutually exclusive. Many burdens are good. Ask a backpacker why he puts up with that burden on his back, and you'll get a funny look. Ask a couple why they want to take on the burden of a child, however, and they feel they need to justify it.
It's important to acknowledge both aspects of children. It's not all trial and tribulation, just like it's not all sweetness and light. And then it's important to emphasize that their burdensomness doesn't invalidate their blessedness.
Family Size and the Bible
The Bible presents a God who loves children. But as for family size, it says nothing definitive. Large families are portrayed as positive and good. But so are small families. And neither one is a sure path to righteousness. Ever actually paid attention to families in the Bible? Do, and you'll be less enthusiastic over the idea of a "Biblical family."
In fact, if you stop to count, you realize that most women in the Bible had three or four children at most. (That is, the children who lived.) Jacob was the patriarch of twelve children -- but he had two wives and two concubines! Heck, anybody could have twelve children if there are four women chipping in.
You can drag out a few verses as proof-texts, but the fact is, the Bible doesn't say whether you should have lots of children or only a few. It doesn't say, "Trust in the Lord with your womb, and decide not on your own family size." Even the original command to Adam and Eve, to "be fruitful and multiply," is fulfilled as soon as you have a child. Or if you want to be technical about it, two children (2 x 1 = 2).
You're welcome to have a large family if that's what God has called you to. But don't try to point to the Bible and say it's a universal principle.
Family Size and Today's Society
Children have always been viewed with mixed emotions. There wasn't a time "back then" when people received every child with joy and welcome. That's one of my irritations with the Quiverfull crowd: they complain that society today doesn't like children, unlike in the past when people were more God-honoring (by which they seem to mean Victorian times, when large families were due more to ignorance of the fertility cycle than to love of children).
Most of today's society hasn't lost sight of the blessedness of children -- as long as it's the first or second one. It does seem that three or more children lose their blessedness and appear only burdensome. Plus, I think that "accidental" children aren't as accepted as they used to be because it's possible to control much more precisely how many children are actually brought into being. When something is no longer considered inevitable, people don't have to try to accept it.
But the fact is, societies in general are notoriously unstable on many issues. So if your stance on family size is in reaction to your society, you aren't really standing on firm ground. "Being countercultural" isn't one of the Fruits of the Spirit.
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