I once read a Christian leader's opinion that when a couple has "as many children as they can effectively serve the Lord with," then it was admissible to get surgical sterilization.
What he forgot to include was the number of that direct line he had with God. The one that let him know when he had reached his "child saturation point," after which he couldn't serve God effectively anymore.
Obviously we have a good feel for our own limits. Health, organizational skills, emotional personality, finances -- all should play a part in how we raise and grow our families.
But it's also true that we often underestimate ourselves. When I was the mother of one child, I'd have said I couldn't manage four. As it happens, I manage four rather well. I bet I could manage six, too. Probably even eight, although just the thought makes me feel panicky. My point is that while knowing our limitations and "what we can handle" is certainly a part of our decision-making, it doesn't seem like a good idea to make family-planning decisions based solely on what I think I can or can't handle.
There are exceptions, as always -- health comes to mind as the most serious one. Even then, many mothers have weathered medical death sentences and lived to tell about it. That's not a risk I think should be encouraged, in case anyone wonders.
But when it's just a question of how "effectively" I can "serve God," it doesn't seem like I'm in the best position to make the final call. Like Bree and Hwin in C.S. Lewis's The Horse and His Boy, we think we're running as fast as we can -- until God comes behind us like a lion and inspires true passion and speed.
-- SJ
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Well said, Sara. I agree. I like the quote of being inspired by God. Thank you for sharing this.
ReplyDeleteBeckybean
Love the Lewis reference; that part of the book always hit me full force. :)
ReplyDelete"But it's also true that we often underestimate ourselves."
Back before marriage & children, when I thought about being a wife/mom/homemaker, I completely underestimated how lazy I was. ;) And also, how hard it is to manage a bunch of other people. Especially when you're an essentially introvert with a phlegmatic temperament.
I could "handle" more, I guess--meaning, I'd love and value another child as deeply as I do my existing children, and we'd do whatever it took to provide--but the consequences would be very expensive (having to renovate the house right away, buy a new vehicle to conform to state laws, etc.). ;) Plus, I'd be even more disorganized. I actually used to be slightly more organized than I am now, but that was before the advent of Facebook.
So true. I think of that passage of Lewis's almost every time I am tempted to think "I can't do this." His strength is made perfect in our weakness.
ReplyDeleteThat direct line to God would be nice, though, wouldn't it? ;-)
The last week brought some hard realizations for me. We went on vacation with friends. We each have three children and they brought a 12-yr old nephew who saved our life. And then friends came over with three more under 4. I kept going to bed. Why? All we did the whole time was take care of children. Fed, clothed, bathed, broke up fights, comforted, disciplined. Adult conversations took place in snippets. The whole thing left me frustrated and exhausted.
ReplyDeleteAnd for the first time I said it: I'm so glad that this is the last one. I'm so looking forward to going on vacation and having the children sleep the whole night, get their own glass of water, and quit pummeling each other in the middle of dinner.
Does God understand? I hope so.
Ah, the comparison of the indeterminate with the unknowable. What we can handle is such a variable. I thought I could handle three kids . . . I didn't expect four, at least not so closely together. I honestly don't think I can or have handled it very well--certainly not anything like my ideal of motherhood. Still, we're all alive and reasonably well, so I suppose in that sense, by the grace of God, I have "handled" it. Not well enough to feel confident taking on anything more, though.
ReplyDeleteBut what I can handle isn't even the real question. God is not limited by our capacity, and can and has brought real good through situations where the humans involved were clearly out of their depth or just plain wrong.
So then we're getting into the whole deep waters of how-do-we-know-God's-will-for-us-specifically. My own answer is only--God cannot be thwarted. As long as we desire to obey, we can assume he's guiding us. (And, of course, He's still in charge of those who think they are disobeying.) So that leaves us back at--our own human bases for making decision, plus trust in God for the unforeseen.